309.
Ojé mengayunkan dirinya bersama dengan kursi ayunan sekali lagi.
Ia sampai terlebih dahulu di taman yang dimaksud oleh Irene karena posisinya tadi memang jauh lebih dekat dibandingkan Irene yang berada di VIP ward.
Ojé ingat betul dulu di taman ini ia sering bermain bersama dengan sepupu-sepupunya saat jadwal medical check-up bulanan mereka.
No wonder Irene meminta untuk bertemu disini karena taman ini adalah tempat yang familiar bagi mereka.
“Jé…” panggil Irene yang berjalan ke arahnya.
Sontak Ojé berhenti bermain dengan ayunan tersebut dan berjalan mendekat ke arah Irene.
Tanpa Irene duga, Ojé menyambutnya dengan pelukan. Irene tidak menolak pelukan tersebut mapun menerima gesture Ojé. She feels numb.
“Kak, we are here for you and Seungwan okay?” bisik Ojé.
Irene hanya mengangguk pelan kemudian melepaskan pelukan Ojé dan menarik adik sepupunya itu untuk duduk di ayunan yang tadi ia tempati.
The silence is defeaning but Ojé waits for Irene to start the conversation. Ojé knows that Irene lagi menata isi hati dan kepalanya.
“Alcohol poisoning Jé. I’m lucky she didn’t lock the door. The doctor said if I’m late even just for a minute, she would…” Irene berhenti berbicara.
Lagi-lagi air mata membasahi pelupuk matanya. Ia tidak bisa melanjutkan kalimatnya karena hal itu hanya akan membuatnya membayangkan kemungkinan-kemungkinan terburuk.
Ojé menepuk pundak Irene pelan, “But she’s not right? Let’s focus on that kak. She will be back to you.”
“The doctor also said that she is perhaps in deep stress and I know it’s true. We were fighting Jé. I only wanted to talk but she didn’t and I pressure her to. I didn’t mean to pressure her, Jé.”
Ojé bangkit dari kursi ayunan dan berdiri di depan Irene kemudian sekali lagi memeluk Irene. “It’s okay kak. You just want the answer, nothing is wrong with that. It’s mine and Seungwan’s fault for lying to you.”
“Is it? Is it not my fault Jé?” tanya Irene pelan.
Ojé mengangguk dan berdeham sebagai jawaban.
“Btw lo mau ngomong apa kak ke gue?” lanjut Ojé.
“Gue gak tau harus mulai dari mana Jé, tapi gue rasa lo udah bisa tebak apa yang mau gue omongin. I can’t think straight Jé, it feels like my head is burning and ready to explode.”
Ojé hanya terdiam, ia menjeda beberapa detik sebelum melepaskan pelukannya. Kemudian sang psikiater berjongkok di depan Irene dan menatap mata Irene lekat.
“I met Seungwan the first day she moved out to Canada, it was Christmas eve. Lo tau kan keluarga gue lebih sering natalan di sana?”
Irene mengangguk.
“She was alone in a park, sitting in a swing like what you always did when you visit a park. Just like this.”
Irene tertawa pelan, “Yeah she likes sitting on a swing like this, always. I remember back then when we were kids, she always asks me to give her my place so she can use the swing instead of me.”
“I know, and she reminds me of you and Yerim too. So I approached her, I thought oh maybe we can be friends. So it just started like that. We became friends, more like my summer and winter friends. Then I moved to Canada and it was the beginning of how I knew about her mental condition.”
Ojé kemudian berhenti berbicara sejenak. Ia ragu untuk melanjutkan kalimatnya, namun ia ingat keraguannya tempo hari juga turut andil atas pertengkaran Irene dan Wendy yang kini membuat situasi serumit ini.
She needs to tell Irene all the story of hers and Seungwan.
“She was the reason I took psychology as my major. I want to help her.”
“Do you like her? In that way?”
“I thought I do like her, especially in our college days.”
Irene menarik napasnya. “Maybe you still are. If you didn’t like her, you won’t take a path that literally paved your whole life.”
Ojé menggeleng. “Gue pikir dulu juga gitu, but then when we were an item it got me thinking. I didn’t like her like that. I love her like how I love you, Yerim, Kak Jen, Kak Taeyeon. It’s more like a sisterly love. I never want to do things that couples do. I respect her like how I respect you. Also, call it cheesy but as weird as it sounds, just how like you are so good in your field, I'm amazing in mine too. I want to be like my parents, without me realized. ”
Ojé berdiri kemudian kembali duduk di sebelah Irene.
“But Seungwan thought that she like me like that. She feels indebted to me, she mistaken what she feels towards me as love and then you come and confuse her. At least that's what I’m sure of. She told me about you, about your relationship with her. At first I didn't know that the Joohyun she talked about was you but when I came to your house and saw how Seungwan was so nervous, I knew she’s panicking. So I play along with her, also I want you to know it directly from her.”
Ekspresi Irene berubah menjadi lebih serius.
“You are her first love?”
Ojé mengangkat bahunya, “Nggak tahu. Bisa iya, bisa nggak. Pertanyaan ini cuma Seungwan yang bisa jawab.”
“Kak, you’re engaged with her. It's just one step behind marriage, that’s what matters right? You have to…..percaya sama diri lo sendiri, percaya sama Seungwan juga. Gue gak akan jadi villain di kehidupan lo sama Seungwan because I never see her in that way.” lanjut Ojé,
“Thank you Jé for telling me this.” ujar Irene.
“But why does she always run from me? Why does she always avoid me? Sometimes gue ngerasa dia nggak percaya sama gue, nggak percaya sama omongan gue. What should I do to convince her that I’m sincere?” tambah Irene.
“Kak, lo coba ya sekarang bayangin. I need you to imagine, kalau orang tua lo, the person that should show you love and affection, tiap hari berantem. Tiap hari main tangan, tiap hari ada barang pecah di rumah lo. Seungwan harus melalui itu semua kak setiap hari selama bertahun-tahun, sebelum akhirnya bokap nyokap mereka pisah. Then when she’s growing up, people give her attention and want to know her just because she has the visual. Call it a teenager hormon, she uses it and experimenting with it, she wants to prove that love is bullshit. Ini juga alasan sebenernya kenapa waktu itu I try it with her. I just want her to stop. Well she did stop, but then she chose to become a singer and that’s how it started again and then we broke up, the rest you know from the media. Bottom line is, she just wants to prove to her father that he is the one to blame.”
“But I told her that I’m sincere, I told her she’s more than what she thought she was. I am even being honest to her that this is my first relationship and we will be slow. I also told her that I love her.”
“That’s the key kak. Seungwan doesn’t think she’s worthy enough to feel loved and being in love sincerely. It is like a luxury she can’t afford. She’s just scared to open her heart, she wants to protect her heart. She is afraid that if she gave you her heart then you can just suddenly leave her. Remember that her parents are married but then in the end they choose to leave each other.”
Irene mengangguk pelan.
“Jé, gue mau minta tolong ke lo. I think it's better for me to take a step back. Mungkin sekarang kehadiran gue justru overwhelmed her. So I need you to look after her from a close range, Jé. You have the advantage because she trusts you even more than she trusts me, and you are her doctor too. Gue gak mau apa yang terjadi semalam keulang lagi Jé. I can’t lose her Jé.”
Ojé mengangguk, “I will look after her but only as her best friend. Gue udah minta bokap gue untuk nunjuk psikolog buat dampingin Seungwan. Gue udah ngelanggar kode etik by telling you her condition also gue nggak bisa parsial lagi sama dia, i do care about her too. So it’s better if Seungwan has a new psychologist and or psychiatrist. I will pick them by myself.”
Irene diam beberapa detik. “Sure. Thank you Jé, I owe you and the rest.”
Baru saja Ojé hendak membuka mulutnya, Irene dan Ojé dikejutkan dengan Yerim yang berlari ke arah mereka dengan napas yang tersengal-sengal.
“She’s awake. I think you want to see her now.”
Untuk beberapa saat Wendy merasa terdisorientasi. Ia mengerjapkan matanya beberapa kali.
Ia merasakan kepalanya sangat berat dan sakit, matanya kembali mengerjap cepat. Wendy berusaha untuk bernapas but she feels a discomfort in her nasal passage and her chest.
Wendy mengerang pelan.
“Wen, lo bisa liat gue?” panggil Seulgi pelan. “Lo napas pelan-pelan ya, gue udah panggil dokter. Yerim juga lagi manggil Irene.”
Wendy yang masih merasa terdisorientasi hanya bisa mengangguk walau sebenarnya ia sama sekali tidak memahami apa yang terjadi.
Pikiran Wendy masih entah ada dimana, antara badan dan pikirannya tidak sinkron. Namun Wendy mengenali suara orang yang berbicara barusan.
“I’m s-sorry.” bisik Wendy pelan sebelum ia kembali kehilangan kesadarannya.
Dokter Kim tadi menjelaskan bahwa efek obat penenang masih bekerja dan kadar alkohol dalam tubuh Wendy belum sepenuhnya turun ke batas normal. Maka wajar bagi Wendy yang akan in and out of her consciousness but overall, she’s going to a better condition. She’s recovering.
Irene merasa lega mendengar penjelasan tersebut.
Namun setelahnya Seulgi terpaksa harus menyampaikan kabar buruk padanya, Irene dibutuhkan untuk terbang langsung ke Jepang. Baik Jennie maupun Seulgi tidak menolak apabila Irene menunjuk salah satu diantara mereka untuk menghadiri rapat pemegang saham luar biasa, namun atas permintaan pemegang saham, mereka menginginkan Irene untuk hadir langsung dan menjelaskan terkait kasus penggelapan pajak yang saat ini sedang diselidiki.
The shareholders want to know if the parent company is still credible and going strong even with this ’scandal’ and how far Irene will take care of this matter.
“Please wake up Seungwan?” Irene memohon, tangannya membelai kepala Wendy. “Kamu masih nggak ingin lihat saya ya?”
Ucapan Joohyun perlahan membangunkan Wendy walaupun ia masih tidak sadarkan diri untuk sepenuhnya.
But then, Joohyun’s shaken voice totally broke her heart.
Selama ini Joohyun hanya menunjukkan sikap dingin yang lambat laun menjadi sosok yang sangat manja pada dirinya, keras kepala, pekerja keras, family type of woman, then there is her romantic and caring side but never this one. She's just too evil to Joohyun, she will never deserve her.
But she never meant to hurt her, although in the end she still does.
“Am I pressuring you Seungwan? Am I making you uncomfortable?” Tanya Joohyun. Namun ia tidak mendapatkan jawaban apapun.
“I thought we agreed to communicate our problem. I thought I meant something to you. Saya nggak nyangka kamu ngambil jalan se-ekstrim yang semalam. I was so afraid Seungwan. I thought I lost you, I almost did.” Tiba-tiba Joohyun mengusap pipinya. Air matanya mengalir begitu saja.
“Seungwan, look. I…..” Joohyun menghela napasnya. Ia merasa bahwa saat ini adalah saat yang tepat untuk mengutarakan semua isi kepalanya walau saat ini Wendy masih tidak sadarkan diri, Irene kira.
“Wan, saya selalu dan masih berpegangan pada janji saya ke kamu. Saya nggak akan berbuat hal-hal yang bikin kamu nggak nyaman, saya nggak mau maksa kamu untuk melanjutkan…..ini semua. Saya juga nggak akan maksa kamu untuk deal with your past right now, as soon as possible. Like what I said in that caravan, Saya mau bantu kamu to deal with your past even though I don’t know all your problems, even though I don’t know all your story, Wan. I won’t push you to tell me as well as I won’t push you to accept my presence in your life.”
Suara Joohyun mulai sedikit bergetar.
“Seungwan, I will stay with you unless you ask me otherwise. Tapi kalau kehadiran saya justru membahayakan kamu kayak gini, kayak yang semalem, Saya lebih baik mundur dan perlahan hilang dari kehidupan kamu Wan. I will stay with you without you knowing. Although it’s hard for me, I will do it. I just want what's best for you.”
Tiba-tiba Wendy merasa panik saat ia memahami ucapan Joohyun. Ia juga bisa merasakan tubuh Joohyun bergetar. Namun entah mengapa Wendy masih belum bisa menggerakkan tubuhnya. Like she’s in sleep paralysis.
Irene menyeka airmatanya dengan punggung tangannya dan mengusap kepala Wendy sekali lagi.
“Wendy, Seungwan, it’s been the happiest moment in my life when I get to know you and spend my time with you. I’m so sorry that my own happiness blinds me that in exchange I’m suffocating you, I’m pressuring you until you do what you did last night.”
Joohyun mendekati Wendy dan mencium puncak kepalanya. “I need to prepare for the shareholders meeting tomorrow. Tonight I will fly to Japan and tomorrow after the meeting I will be back here. I hope by that time we can talk, please tell me everything you want to tell me and I will listen to you. Please keep yourself safe and healthy? Don’t do anything to harm you? Please?”
Lagi-lagi Irene tidak mendapatkan jawaban dari Wendy.
“I love you so much Seungwan, you can't imagine. I love you, please know that. I don't know if you can hear me or not but please believe me when I say I love you so much even more than I love myself.” bisik Joohyun yang sekali lagi mencium kening Wendy.
“See you when I see you okay love?”
Irene berjalan meninggalkan kasur dan Wendy mendengar Irene berbicara pada seseorang yang ia tidak tahu siapa. Kemudian tidak lama kemudian Wendy mendengar suara pintu kamar yang ditutup.
Saat itulah Ia baru benar-benar menyadari bahwa Irene sudah tidak ada disana bersamanya.
And she feels empty, she is hurting too, and slowly she’s panicked. Joohyun is leaving?
Sekuat tenaga Wendy berusaha untuk bangkit dari dari posisinya, walau itu membuat kepalanya pusing, but once again she feels her world spinning.
She can’t lose her like this.
But suddenly her world turn into black once again.